


For the giggles and sometimes shits

by Vlad_the_Impala



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Brotherly Love, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 23:23:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1204366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vlad_the_Impala/pseuds/Vlad_the_Impala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was an anon fic I sent to Lundsdotter, and now I'm putting this together for request. Emma wanted a fic inspired by the commentary on Ylvis III regarding Bård's falling from the bungees quite painfully during the rehearsals of Gangsta Baby Rap skit. Just a mindless h/c without a care, you've been warned. Probably has mild pacing issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the giggles and sometimes shits

'Hey you up there!!! Does anyone even check this shit before the rehearsals?! How about basic motherfucking safety?!'

Vegard seemed still not quite out of character as he gave Bård his hand to help him rise. He looked ridiculous writhing on the floor, wincing and groaning, rubbing his leg, still wearing the sparkly pants, but all Vegard could see is his little brother hurt.

'You fuckers!' he shouted helplessly into the air, and Bård shot him a pained glance. He wasn't quite in a habit of seeing Vegard losing it so hard. He grabbed the still outstretched hand and rose, trying and failing again to pull it off as fine.

'Vegard, calm down...'

Vegard glanced to him - could have spared himself the effort. Bård knew perfectly well he didn't believe him.

He still remembered well how he had walked in the previous evening without knocking and caught Bård undressed, just out of the shower. He had that terrible habit of not locking doors. What Vegard saw was carved painfully into his brain: the huge blue bruises on his little brother's hip and shoulder. He wasn't falling for the first time, and it made Vegard furious. The fact that made it worse was that Bård always rushed headlong for the fun, and he loved the bungees despite any risks, he seemed to always forget the past pain. Vegard himself had stopped enjoying the rehearsals of the stunt long ago, he was careful not to jump too high, but Bård kept on flying - and for some reason it went wrong time after time. The bungees fell out of place once when he accidentally jumped too high - Vegard kept on inquiring in rage again and again how it could possibly happen - in vain. Another time something just ripped between his legs and Bård sank down with a loud yawp. First he tried to hold himself on place with his arms, but the construction gave way completely and with a scary thud he was on the floor. And now Vegard's heart always sank to his abdomen and then jumped back to his throat whenever he saw Bård get into the equipment, biting his tongue in childish excitement, so in character it was adorable. And now he fell again, and he rose again, and what was he doing?

Vegard caught his arm and turned him, catching the intention.

'No.'

Bård glanced to him in annoyance, still limping, but stubborn, as usual.

'What no? Vegard, we gotta rehearse.'

'You're not getting into this shit again,' Vegard said with pressure. Bård rolled his eyes.

'And I will get, and what are you gonna do? Stop me? Quit being an idiot, Vegard. Everything is fixable.'

'The third time, Bård.' Vegard grabbed his shoulder and stared right into his eyes. 'The third time, did it never occur to you that something here might - just might - be wrong?'

'Shit happens,' Bård scoffed and shrugged. 'It doesn't mean we have to put everything off, lie down and cry.'

'Bitch, we might!' Vegard grasped tightly on his shoulder as Bård tried to get away.

'Let me go, Vegard!'

'No.'

Bård stopped and turned to him, hoping he would let go. He didn't really want to fight, Vegard was right. His leg hurt, and hurt badly, and lying down and crying was actually something desired. But he was determined to win over whatever kind of karma messing with him, to make the stunt, to do a backflip even - he just almost physically needed it. This was what he was made of. He looked in Vegard's dark eyes under the furrowed eyebrows and sighed.

'Vegard. Calm down. I will be fine. It's nothing.'

'Oh really?' Vegard reached out and poked his shoulder slightly. Bård winced and moved away. 'Not all that fine, right, ha?' Vegard gave out a nervous chuckle. 'Bård, knock it. You're not gettng into that shit again. Not on my watch.'

'Turn away, then.'

'Bård.'

'Guys, are you alright?'

Vegard looked around in embarrassment a little late to come. Everybody was staring, some ran closer, about to help, should the necessity arise. Vegard looked down. Again he was a mother hen, and he felt ashamed of himself. Bård jerked his shoulder and freed himself from Vegard's grip.

'Guys. Can anyone fix this?'

'Give me a moment, I will double the fasteners,' the young fellow responsible called from somewhere above the stage. 'It's like they're cursed, I tested them twice today!'

'Test better next time!' Vegard couldn't help but call up, but just earned a glare from Bård and stooped, looking away. The fellow was sturdier than Bård, and a little taller. Maybe it was his weight that made something crack time after time?

'C'mon, let's get inside once again.'

Vegard sniffed and followed Bård and they watched the fellow fiddle with the fasteners.

'Vegard, will you please pull as hard as you can?' he called finally. Vegard pulled on the bungees and the empty 'sparkly pants' jumped upwards. The guy caught them and, balancing, put them on himself.

'Johann! Come help me!'

Another fellow appeared beside him, fastened something and nodded.

'Run!' the first one called before jumping down in the bungees. He skipped high up and Johann let him slowly slip downwards. The guy got out of the harness and stretched himself. 'Pretty fine,' was his verdict. 'I've doubled all the fasteners, and I will take a closer look at everything later again, till then don't jump too high.'

Vegard's heart wrung at those words, but he didn't let his worry show. He just sighed and got into the harness. He had his own special move to practice.

Bård started picking up height quickly and Johann followed his intention past Vegard. He didn't raise him very high, it was a safe height still, but Bård kept jumping higher. He was a stubborn one. And one moment he thought he reached the height he needed, and he turned forward - and the air in his lungs became fizzy as he felt he was slipping out of the harness. He let go of it, as then it seemed as a resonable thought - if he grasped, he would most probably crash into the stage head first, and then jump up and fall back down on the bungees to assure he was killed enough. He didn't even hear the muffled gasp of many over the ringing in his ears. He tried to finish the turn and get to his feet, but his boots - his goddamn trainers! - got caught in the harness and he could only assume the maybe horizontal position, trying desperately to stretch his arms out before he hit the stage, face down, and then there was ringing blackness.

* * *

* * *

Vegard's heart stopped in his chest, and then the mad beat filled his entire being. He stumbled out of the fallen harness and rushed towards Bård, calling his name frantically.

'Bård! _Bård, God_! GOD! Go-od!!!'

He fell to his knees beside him, not daring to touch him, and tears sprang out of his eyes as he saw a pool of blood under Bård's head slowly getting bigger. Bård had landed onto his hands, and they were lying feebly on each side of his head. The crew hurried to them, someone cried out, someone was already calling the ambulance. Vegard could only see his little brother sprawled on the stage in a pool of his own blood, reliving his falling every next second and dying of his own desperate helplessness.

* * *

* * *

 

Bård gasped and groaned and coughed. Disgusting warmth was flowing down his face and into his mouth, filling it with iron taste. He opened his eyes and saw the red running down the smooth surface in beautiful patterns and felt the tremble in his entire being. It didn't hurt at all, but he figured it was his own blood. He had fallen. How had he fallen? Slipped out of the harness doing a somersault. Very smart, doing a somersault on  _that_ height, without as much as holding the bungees. _Idiot. Have to rise._

He bent his legs and pushed himself upwards on his arms - and howled at the shot of pain through the right one. But someone else's strong arms didn't let him fall. Someone grabbed him, helping him upwards, and Bård just moved his shaking legs a little, clumsily, to sit down. Two warm arms always helping him, those he remembered since forever. Vegard...

The blood rushed from his nose down onto his chest, onto his blue tee, staining it in dark brown, soaking it. Vegard's one hand leaned his head softly onto the other one, supporting him.

'Someone, bring fucking something?!' Bård heard his desperate shout. And then a whisper, a frantic whisper: 'Bård. Bård, talk to me. Say something. Bård...'

'Sfine,' Bård rasped, barely hearing himself over his own heartbeat. He had to calm Vegard down. It was okay, of course it was. The blood would stop. He wasn't scared. He didn't even feel the pain, only his right arm was throbbing slightly. Probably this was what they called shock.

'Oh God...' Vegard's voice trembled and Bård felt a shot of worry through his heart. Not for himself - he was fine, sure fine. For Vegard.

'Vegrd, mlright,' he muttered - even his jaw wouldn't move properly, so violent was the tremor. 'Mfine, prumse...'

Something cold and wet pressed against the bridge of his nose and someone started quickly wiping the blood off his face. He tried to reach the cloth with his right arm, but the fingers didn't move and another shot of pain brought him to life.

'God...' he managed.

'What's there?' he heard Vegard's voice, loud, somewhere away, upwards.

'I think he broke his nose. Look at the oedema. Huge already...'

'Fuck. What do I do?'

'We called the ambulance.'

'You suggest I wait?'

'Maybe try and stop the blood. Fucking idiot, Bård.'

'Wipe your nose, Vegard.'

'I'm not crying...'

But he was, Bård heard it in his voice. He looked up at the people leaning over them, focussing only now, and finally saw the cloth pressed to his nose - it was plaid and reminded him of something. He decided not to think about it at the beginning of little knocking pain inside his skull, somewhere around his eyes and forehead. He straightened with an effort and looked around, still dizzy. Vegard put his arm around his shoulders

'Bård.'

'Mhm...' This was all Bård could muster. He leaned onto Vegard and closed his eyes. He was weak and his arm had started throbbing mercilessly all of a sudden.

'Vegard... m'arm... wha's there?'

'What? What's wrong?'

'Arm. Right arm.'

'I think he might have hurt his arm,' a helpful voice form somewhere up there called. 'I don't think he broke it, but there might SO be a fracture. I mean, if it bothers him so.'

'You sound too happy about it.'

'God forbid, was just trying to be helpful...'

Vegard's grip on Bård's shoulders tightened. Bård opened his eyes and tried to focus again. He was less dizzy now, and the blood seemed to be stopping as he pressed the cloth to his nose with his left hand, having taken it from Vegard. But with the steadiness off the world all of the uncomfortable feelings washed over him. His right arm now was burning, and his nose was somehow weirdly numb, and it was getting really uncomfortable in his entire being, he was even feeling slightly nauseous. He could still feel the blood running down the back of his throat, filling his mouth with a salty taste.

'The doctors came,' someone informed. Vegard wrapped his arm around Bård more comfortably and helped him rise. Bård tried to stand straight and noticed with relief that his legs weren't broken - they didn't hurt and didn't give way, only were slightly shaky.

He needed X-rays, though, he figured. He gave himself to Vegard, trusting him entirely, and Vegard helped him off the stage and led him out in the street...

* * *

* * *

Vegard went into Bård's hotel room without knocking. The little brother hadn't even bothered as much as to close the door and the light from the corridor was seeping through the gap into the bluish darkness inside.

It was quiet in the room. Vegard toed off his trainers and went in slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. But Bård wasn't sleeping. He turned his head at Vegard's quiet steps, but turned away again as he distinguished his silhouette. Vegard reached out to turn on the light and the room's colour changed from blue to yellowish.

Bård was sprawled on the bed, his plastered right arm resting by the pillow. As the switch clicked, he covered his face with the crook of his left arm.

'Hey,' Vegard called.

Bård just let out a 'mhm' and didn't move.

'Want me to order you something to eat?'

'Mhm.'

'What do you want?'

'Mmh...'

'You want me to choose?'

'Something sweet. You know what I like,' Bård deigned to mutter. Vegard sighed and went to call the room service.

He refused to get out of bed or even to look at the sympathetic visitors. He hid and didn't ask for help, but refused to do anything for himself. But he had Vegard, and Vegard knew he needed him, so he was quietly there, for once not ashamed and not afraid to seem like a mommy. This time he had to be a big brother, while Bård would just hide his face lying on his bed without sleep. Vegard sighed quietly, examining his frame.

The room service was fast and helpful. Bård had turned away, letting Vegard fix everything for him, and even started dozing off, despite the heavy feeling of hunger in his stomach. Vegard had to push him to get his attention.

‘Hey. Sleeping beauty, wake up. You need to eat.’

Bård sat up quickly, still turning away, and Vegard put a tray on his knees, holding it still.

‘At least look at what I got you…’ he said softly. Bård glanced to the tray. He had pancakes and ice cream – Vegard sure knew what he liked.

In the semi-darkness Vegard could see his smile.

‘Thank you…’

He finally raised his face to look at Vegard. He looked terrible, and in the slightly dimmed light it stood out. His nose was huge with the oedema, bluish around the bridge and towards the eyes. The bone wasn’t dislocated by some miracle, but it did crack and it was audibly uncomfortable for Bård to breathe. His right arm had a fracture, too, and all of it put together, he literally felt shattered – Vegard could feel it in him. They had their planned performance quite soon, and they both almost knew that Bård wouldn’t heal by that time.

The pain and sympathy probably showed on Vegard’s face. Bård’s smile dropped and he turned away quickly.

‘I look like shit, don’t I?..’

‘You look like a boy with a trauma,' Vegard said after a moment’s thinking. It sounded awkward and he regretted the choice of words. Bård let out a chuckle.

‘Okay, okay. Don’t try to sweeten the pill. It’s fine, I know…’

He took the fork awkwardly with his left hand and started the painful ritual of eating with a hand he wasn’t used to using. Vegard looked away, feeling a little uncomfortable. He knew Bård didn’t like when someone watched him eat, and especially in his present condition. But he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay with his little brother and try and cheer him up. He still had tea for him, and maybe they could sit there in two, and maybe – just maybe – Bård would calm down… he always did when Vegard was around.

‘Do you want to stay in bed?’

‘Mhm,’ Bård let out, chewing on the pancake. ‘Very nice, these.’

‘For how long?’

‘Until I feel like it.’

‘Until your nose feels better?’

Bård didn’t answer, but Vegard knew he was spot on. Bård was always self-conscious, and he wouldn’t show anyone his face. He decided not to press on the topic – he was anyway granted the trust to stay with Bård and even look at his face.

‘Do you want me to go?’

'As you wish,’ Bård replied, trying to win over a piece of a pancake with his left hand. ‘Don’t want to be a weight on your shoulders, y’know…’

He was trying to seem casual, giving out his vulnerability. Vegard sighed.

‘You know… if you want me to do anything for you, just say so. Okay? I just want to know if you need something. I can help if you don’t wanna get out of bed.’

‘Mhm. Thanks for understanding.’

Bård was eating slowly and clumsily and Vegard didn’t look at him, feeling he wouldn’t enjoy it. But he wasn’t insisting on Vegard’s leaving, which could as well mean silent begging for him to stay. And Vegard stayed, stooped, rubbing his thumb on his palm, not knowing anything to say.

Quite a while passed and Bård rose and took the tray away to the table.

‘Tea?’ Vegard heard his voice. ‘Yours?'

He glanced to him.

‘No, yours. Probably has gone cold…’

‘Just fine,’ Bård assured him and Vegard saw a little smile in the corners of his lips. ‘Thank you.’

He sat back down on his bed and bent his knees, curling up and drinking his tea slowly. Vegard finally got enough courage and climbed onto the bed to face him, putting his legs under himself.

‘How are you feeling, at all?’ he asked.

‘Not half shit,’ Bård replied sincerely. ‘Well, actually it’s still kinda uncomfortable, I mean, you know… but doesn’t hurt. Don’t worry.’

Vegard nodded. ‘Good.’

‘How long do you think the oedema will last?’

Vegard shrugged a little.

‘I don’t think that for long. A few days, maybe… We still have makeup artists, if anything…’

‘I might be a performer, but I have my man’s dignity,’ Bård scoffed. Vegard smiled widely.

‘Just a suggestion. I’m telling you, I can sit around and deal with the room service and all that jazz… I have shit to do when I’m by myself, or around you on that matter, I’m not that much of a party animal, you know. You just say so.’

Bård smiled.

‘If it will be okay.’

‘Perfectly fine.’

He nodded, his smile even wider.

‘Good.’

They sat in silence for a little while. A warm and comfortable kind of brotherly silence.

‘How good do you think it is that my teeth stayed on place this time?'

Vegard glanced to Bård and saw his usual sly smirk – a little put-on, but he was genuinely trying to be happier.

‘Extremely good,’ he agreed with a sincere smile of relief. Bård handed him the cup.

‘For you,’ he said awkwardly. This kind of childishness was his feature when he was feeling especially good in Vegard’s presence. Vegard accepted the tea and finished it quickly.

‘Thank you.’

Bård just shrugged.

'I wanna sleep now.’

‘A polite reminder to fuck off while I still can?’

‘Just telling ye.’

‘I can stay with you.’

‘Do you want a sore back or do you want me to kill you with my plaster?’

Vegard shrugged.

‘Just don’t want you hungry in the morning. I might oversleep, you just kick me.’

‘Vegard.’

Vegard sighed and looked away.

‘I just don’t want to go. I won’t sleep anyway.’

‘ _Vegard_.’

‘Honest.’

Bård sighed.

‘I have nothing to suggest you ‘cept for making a bed out of my stuff. Vegard, go to your room. I’ll be fine.’

‘What if your door locks itself at night?’

‘Vegard!’

Vegard just leaned forward and brought Bård to his chest in a warm hug.

‘Can I be a selfish ass and get myself one calm night once in a while? All there is, really…’

Bård hugged him back, carefully moving his plastered hand not to hurt him. He was wrapped in the arms that he remembered since forever, in the scent he knew so well and in the warmth he needed so badly. There was one man in the world who knew exactly the amount of feeling he had to give his brother, and yet he was the most embarrassingly awkward man in existence. But Bård loved him the way he was, because, hands up, he was the most ridiculously wonderful kind of brother one could imagine.

‘I…’

‘Make me a bed,’ Vegard pushed him away slightly. ‘Or should I do it?’

‘Help yourself,’ Bård dropped sleepily, leaning away and quickly undressing. ‘Clean stuff in the suitcase.'

‘Maybe we have to go home and put off the performance at all?’

Bård shrugged.

‘Let’s think about it tomorrow.’

* * *

* * *

Vegard fidgeted around with his clothes, arranging them on the floor, but finally he sniffed, tossed everything away, together with his usual neatness, and Bård, almost lulled with his quiet noises, felt the bed cave in under the new weight.

‘Mh… mhmh, Veghrd… wh’re yuh…’

‘Shhh…’ Vegard stopped on the far side of the bed and froze. Bård turned and looked to him with sleepy eyes.

‘G’way. ‘ll kill ye…’

‘Will be fine,’ Vegard assured quickly.

Bård sighed. His mind was giving up. He didn’t really care. He snuggled up to Vegard’s side, keeping the plaster more or less immobilized.

‘’f ye wake ‘morrow all bruised, ‘nt blamme,’ he muttered and in a moment he was snoring...


End file.
